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If you’re like me, relinquishing control doesn’t come naturally. I’ve always been the type to juggle everything myself—whether it’s keeping up with work deadlines, organizing school activities for the kids, or managing our home. There was this voice in my head saying, If I don’t do it, it won’t get done right. But after having my second baby, I hit a point where I couldn’t keep up, and I realized something had to give.
One moment that stands out for me was after I returned to work from maternity leave. I was trying to catch up on emails, make dinner, and entertain my toddler, all while nursing a newborn. I felt like I was drowning. My husband, Adam, gently asked if I wanted him to take over the cooking, but my instinct was to say, No, I’ve got it. It’s almost like saying yes to help felt like admitting defeat. But as I stood there, overwhelmed and on the verge of tears, I realized I couldn’t keep doing everything by myself. I handed Adam the spatula and let him take over. That moment, small as it was, was a turning point.
Why We Struggle to Ask for Help
For those of us who are “control enthusiasts,” giving up control can feel unsettling. The struggle isn’t just about delegating tasks; it’s about the emotional weight of feeling like we’re letting go of our role as the one who holds everything together. I remember thinking that if I asked for help, I wasn’t being the mom I should be. But I’ve learned that asking for help doesn’t mean things won’t get done right—it just means they might get done differently.
The Power of Saying “No”
There was a time when I felt I had to say yes to everything—work projects, school committees, playdates, even last-minute social invites. It left me burned out and drained, and I began to resent all the commitments I had made. I remember one weekend when I had overbooked myself with a church event, a family get-together, and a birthday party. By Sunday evening, I was completely exhausted and realized I hadn’t spent any real time with my kids.
After that, I started practicing the art of saying “no.” I began setting boundaries for what I could realistically take on, and I gave myself permission to say no without guilt. It wasn’t easy at first, but it was incredibly freeing to realize I didn’t have to say yes to everything in order to be a good mom or a good friend.
How to Embrace Help and Say No
1. Identify Your Priorities
I’ve found that when I’m clear on my priorities, it’s easier to ask for help or say no to things that don’t align with what matters most. For example, when I realized my family time was suffering because I was overcommitting to work, I started blocking off weekends for family activities and letting go of some extra projects at work.
2. Start Small
The first time I asked Adam to take over bath time while I finished work emails, it felt odd, like I was shirking my responsibilities. But once I saw how capable he was and how it gave me the space I needed, I started asking for more help in small ways. It was a gradual process, but it allowed me to let go without feeling like I was losing control.
3. Set Boundaries
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is that saying no isn’t about letting people down—it’s about protecting your energy for the things that matter. I’ve had to turn down a few work projects and politely decline social invites, but it’s given me more room to be present with my family.
4. Delegate with Confidence
This was a big one for me. When asking for help, I used to hover and micromanage to make sure things were done “my way.” But when I stepped back and trusted Adam (or anyone else helping), I realized it didn’t matter if he did things differently—as long as they got done. Learning to let go and trust others has been a huge relief.
5. Remind Yourself of the Big Picture
In those moments where you feel the urge to take on everything yourself, remember the big picture. What’s most important? For me, it’s making sure my family feels loved and supported. When I remember that, I’m able to let go of the need for control and embrace help more easily.
Book Recommendations for the Working Mom
If you’re like me, finding time to read can be a challenge, but these books have been a source of wisdom, encouragement, and support when I’ve needed it most. Here are some recommendations to help you embrace help, let go of control, and find peace in your journey as a working mom:
1. Overwhelmed By My Blessings: Encouragement For Moms - Volume 1 & Volume 2 by Robin Meadows
These devotionals are packed with short, encouraging reflections perfect for busy moms. With bite-sized daily readings, these volumes remind us that even in the chaos, there’s beauty in motherhood. A great companion when you need a quick spiritual boost.
2. Strength for All Seasons: A Mom's Devotional of Powerful Verses and Prayers by Elisa Pulliam
This devotional focuses on giving moms the strength they need in every season of life. Filled with powerful Bible verses and heartfelt prayers, it offers inspiration for navigating the challenges of motherhood and finding rest in God’s promises.
3. Risen Motherhood: Gospel Hope for Everyday Moments by Emily Jensen & Laura Wifler
This book connects the everyday challenges of motherhood with the hope found in the Gospel. It’s a refreshing take on how the ups and downs of parenting can be transformed through a Christ-centered lens. Perfect for moms seeking deeper faith amidst their busy lives.
4. Hello Beautiful: Break Free from the Chains of Regret, Self-Doubt, and Comparison, and Discover the Freedom, Power, and Beauty of Being the Real You by Elisa Morgan
In this empowering book, Elisa Morgan helps women break free from the weight of comparison and self-doubt. For moms who struggle with perfectionism and the pressure to "do it all," this book is a breath of fresh air, offering practical steps to embrace who God created you to be.
5. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough" by Brené Brown
This insightful book dives into the shame and perfectionism many women feel, encouraging us to let go of others’ expectations and embrace our worth. Brené Brown’s research and vulnerability remind us that we are enough, just as we are—an essential read for any mom battling the pressures of doing it all.
These books have been a great source of strength for me on my journey, and I hope they bring you the encouragement you need too!
Letting Go and Letting Others In
Letting go of control doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. It’s a journey of learning to trust others and set healthy boundaries. Asking for help and saying no when necessary will allow you to show up as your best self—not just for your family and work but for yourself. Remember, you don’t have to carry it all alone. Letting others step in is an act of self-love and wisdom. You’ve got this, mama.
In faith and self-love,
Alexa
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